


Die for You.

by favorroses



Series: Malloy Mahariel [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Clan Sabrae, Dalish Elven Culture and Customs, Dalish Elves, Dalish Issues, Grey Wardens, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, The Calling (Dragon Age), Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24938095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/favorroses/pseuds/favorroses
Summary: Malloy finally opens up about the Calling, and why he left after the final battle.Malloy is not the HoF.Not beta read, but still wanted to post this!
Relationships: Zevran Arainai/Male Mahariel, Zevran Arainai/Male Warden
Series: Malloy Mahariel [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804939
Kudos: 4





	Die for You.

Malloy continues to run a hand through his lover's hair, smiling softly at him, before looking straight ahead and sighing. “The blight takes so much away from everyone. But so much from a Warden as well…” He pauses, taking in a breath before he starts again.

“I wanted a life where I could sit and grow old with someone. Take them to my clan. Show them what I could be if they had just let me be who I was and not forced any random Woman in my direction. Let me breathe. Show them that emotions don’t cloud work, That I am a successful healer. I am a Grey Warden, that my strength isn’t determined by what emotions I let be shown…” Malloy pauses again, sighing softly as he continues to run a hand through his lovers’ hair.

“But my life isn’t that. I wish for a life where I could watch you grow old with age. Get lines around your eyes from your smile. Get grey in our hair together, perhaps have a family to surround us, and we can sit beside each other, smiling. Happy.” 

“I’ll never have that life. I’ll never have that family.”

“I always wished for a life where… I could heal anyone who needed it. No questions asked. Maybe have my own clinic somewhere. I remember sitting with Wynne one night. Watching her and being... jealous that she was older. Knowing I’d never have that. I know I signed that away when I became a warden, but when I became a warden. I didn’t think I’d live past the ritual. I was just some Dalish blood mage who could do some healing and knew his way in battle. I wasn’t special. Just another mage, just another pawn in their ranks.” Malloy takes another breath, before continuing again. 

“I assumed I’d never fall in love. No woman ever interested me. Not from my own clan, or another. Nothing. I thought I was broken. Everyone else around me had partners. Except for Tamlen, we were the odd ones out. I loved him. But then, I didn’t have the confidence to say that. Then he… got the blight, and He didn’t live.” Malloy’s voice shakes softly. “I never got to tell him. And… watching him slowly decay. Its.. not something I’d wish on anyone.” He whispers, wiping a tear that fell off his face.

“So I signed that away, without. Realizing the other possibilities. I never realized that all I’d want in life was to grow old with a man by my side. I never knew it was even possible.” He pauses for a moment. “I wouldn’t have believed it if someone had said that to me either.” Another pause comes from him.

“I always wanted a family. Someone to hold. Don’t let my words fool otherwise. I just assumed it wasn’t something I could have. That I was broken and it was the creator's way of punishing me. I.. couldn’t love a woman, the same way I love a man, or that I wasn’t even a man to begin with. I always wondered if that was the creator's way of punishing my choices. That I could never be truly happy.” Malloy laughs sadly. 

“Who knew that one of my biggest regrets in life was also one I wouldn’t change for anything? As much as I.. regret becoming a warden and taking in the taint, I wouldn’t change it. I’ve been able to be myself. The creators led me to you. I’ve experienced happiness… yet here I am, dying before I even turn 50.”

“This is my worst fear. My calling has come, Zevran. I’m dying and you’re having to watch this take over me, like how I watched Tamlen, and not be able to do anything. And I’m here watching you pretend that it’s all fine, Like how he watched me. That I’m not slipping away from you. That I’m fine, I’m not dying, and I won’t leave you early. It’s why I left, ten years ago. Pretended to die. I didn’t want you to watch me waste away and blame yourself for not doing more. There’s no cure for this.” He sighs again, continuing to run his hands through Zevran's hair again.

“Another fear of mine is being alone, Dying alone. But I will rather be alone and die alone, then subject you to this.” Malloy’s voice shakes again before he starts to silently cry. He holds a hand up to his mouth, trying to muffle the sounds further.   
  
No one deserved this fate.


End file.
